I haven’t posted anything in a while because lately, well, I haven’t been writing. I thought perhaps I could just post some of my old things to tide me over until I get out of this funk. But, then I started hating everything I’ve written. It’s taken a lot of will power not to simply delete everything sitting on my hard drive. And I started wondering, where is this even coming from?
I stopped writing about a month ago. Perhaps it’s stress? This is my last semester at Stony Brook, and I’ve got a lot of things to think about as far as moving and finishing up finals. Maybe it’s depression? I have a history of it, and it kind of feels like I’m falling into the abyss again. And if it’s not either of those, what else is there to blame it on?
To find answers to this, I guess I really need to look at how I feel about writing right now. Writing is my passion. It is my life. It is… A pain in the ass right now. I have two papers due on Wednesday, and just squeezing out words for that is difficult. So much of my identity is tied up with my writing, but right now I can’t even bear to look at the things I’ve written in the past. Part of me is disgusted that I’m writing this right now.
Is college ruining writing for me? Is all of the writing about mundane topics and never having time to read something that’s not assigned just weighing me down so much that I can no longer function as a writer?
I don’t have answers for any of these questions. Normally, I would just write out my thoughts until I figure things out, but now… Well, for now I just hope this funk resolves itself soon.
If anyone has tips for getting out of the writing dumps or has similar experiences, please share them.