This is the first time that I have been single for more than a month in 3.5 years. I’m only 22 (soon to be 23), but having spent virtually all of my 20s thus far bogged down in rather serious relationships (planned to marry one, moved in with the second), I don’t know if I really want to try the whole dating thing again anytime soon.
I miss being in a relationship, but I love my new-found freedom of movement. No more rushing home to cook dinner for someone who only kinda-sorta appreciates it. No more having to call when I’m on my way because he’ll worry (this was the first guy, not the second, who probably couldn’t care less anyway). But my brand new queen-size bed is pretty big for little me, even with a body pillow and a giant stuffed frog to keep me company. Also, I like having someone to do things with. Friends are great, and I know how to go places by myself, but there’s something about holding hands while walking into restaurant that I miss.
I suppose I could try the whole “casual dating” thing, but seriously, what does that even mean? What’s the point of devoting a good chunk of time to someone is you have no intentions of pursuing that relationship further? I don’t think I know how to be casual about anything related to the heart anymore.
I think it’s really just too soon. I have so many things I want to do in the future. I graduate in May and I plan to move a good distance away, so it would probably be a bad idea to get involved with anyone anyway. I have friends. I have me. I’m happy being alone.
I just wish I could figure out how to stop “being alone” from turning into being lonely on cold nights.