Nanowrimo Alternative: Day 16, Relationship Word Vomit

I just slept for basically 11 hours. Well, at least, I started sleeping at around 7pm last night and just gave up sleeping around 6am this morning. The only problem is, I woke up every two hours, almost like I had an alarm set or something. So, I really just took a series of naps. I don’t actually need to be up for another hour, but at this point, I feel that I have slept enough for one evening. Now, I have all these thoughts swirling through my head, so I think it’s time for another word vomit.

I messaged my ex last night. Not the most recent one who caused so much soap opera drama in my life. No, he’s done. I don’t need that anymore thank you. No, I messaged the man I had, at one time, thought that i was going to marry. It’s not that I think we would ever work or that I would like to try getting back together. I just want to try being friends with him. Is that even possible? Can you be friends with somebody that you thought you were going to spend your life with? I’m beginning to think no because I know he saw it (stupid messager thing tells you when it has been read after all) but no reply. I don’t think he’s going to reply. Oh well.

I have realized recently that if I am going to have a relationship any time soon, it will have to be one with a specific end date. I know that sounds weird, but allow me to explain. When I graduated from high school a few years ago, I met my first actual boyfriend. I was still in Oklahoma for the summer before leaving for Long Island to start university. He knew I was leaving. We both knew I wasn’t taking him with me, either emotionally or physically. It was easily the least painful relationship I’ve ever been in. We still keep in touch (not as much as right after I left, but we have talked in the last two months). And I have realized that if I am going to have a relationship before college ends next May, which I would like to because I am now addicted to relationships apparently, I would need a similar situation. I am planning to move to Chicago next summer, and I don’t want to take anyone with me. More accurately, I don’t want to get hurt again by planning a future with someone when I am not ready to actually tie my future to someone. I gotta stop doing that.

Unfortunately, every date I’ve been on in the past month and a half has been dreadfully dull. People seem great when I first talk to them, but I’m afraid that our social media society has created that person who’s suave and intelligent on the screen, but terribly awkward and boring in person. Maybe I’m not really giving them a fair chance, but… Yeah, I think I am actually.

Random Photo: So, in my second semester at Stony Brook, my Danish friend visited me in New York, and as we were passing through the Greenwich Village area, I had the sudden urge to get my tongue pierced at a brightly painted place selling hookahs and pipes in the front, with a tiny piercing chair at the back. Oh the days of young, wild freedom.

The wild Jen, wondering about her life decisions.

The wild Jen, wondering about her life decisions.

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