It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything because 1) I’ve been very busy at work with the whole Christmas thing, and 2) there is only one thing that has really been on my mind lately (other than work). On Christmas Day (night), I got back together with my ex. A stupid thing to do, some would say. How could I after everything that happened, which I documented fairly extensively here?
Well, it all happened so fast. After the night at the lake, apparently feelings began to stir once again for him. And they never really left for me anyway. There are still some uncertainties, of course. For instance, is this whole starting over thing really going to work out?
We’re trying to be aware of the problems from before so as not to repeat them. We won’t see each other everyday, though we still talk via text whenever we can. We have to maintain our separate lives. We certainly won’t be moving in together, and besides, this relationship has a specific time limit anyway. I am still moving after graduation. He is adamant about not holding me back. We have different paths to follow. Really we’re just getting back together now because, for me at least, while I can be with him, while our paths are traveling together, it is too hard to be so close and not be able to talk to him, to touch him, to occasionally fall asleep beside him again, particularly when he feels the same.
Maybe it is a stupid decision. Maybe I shouldn’t be giving him another opportunity to hurt me. But since I only have six more months in this state, I’d rather spend as much of that time with him as I can.
What’s really sad is that I now regret deleting all those pictures of us. Never throw those things out; just hide them away. Then again, maybe it’s better. I don’t want what we had before. I want something different. Someday, I want to meet the person I will spend the rest of my life with. But that dream isn’t really convenient right now due to the aforementioned moving plans. In the meantime, I might as well be with someone I love, and it’s okay that it’s not forever. Now works just fine.
Random photo: Because I don’t want to go back, I’m ignoring the few photos of us from our early relationship in favor of a representational photo of his favorite animal (giraffe) and my video game buddy (penguin).