20 Something: Knowing Thyself

Well, here I am. 23-years-old, and I’m starting to think I might actually have a handle on this whole “who am I?” thing. Most of the time. Except on Tuesdays. Tuesdays are hard.

A friend of mine has been going through something of an identity crisis for the past few months (and by months I mean years) of his life. We were recently discussing the merits of Spiced Rum with RC (I’m for; he’s against) when I said something about knowing him quite well at this point. To which he replied something along the lines of “To be honest, I don’t know myself that well sometimes. It’s kind of scary.”

Scary. Yes, I can see that being an issue. I have always seemed to have an overabundance of time for self-reflection. Even in my awkward teen years, I felt that I knew exactly who I was, and where I was going, roughly speaking. This interpretation of myself has changed over time, of course. But I find it hard to relate to those who don’t know what they want from their lives. I’ve actually written a post related to this topic before.

I think it’s hard to ever really pinpoint who you are as a person. So much goes into it, and I know that I change based on who I’m with, what I’m doing, how much sleep I’ve had, and whether or not the sun is out. Alone, I am insufferable (or I would be if there was anyone around to see this me; I rather like her). With coworkers, I like to think I’m that sort of quiet person with the nice laugh that you can depend on, but that’s just my interpretation, so it is necessarily biased. Who I am with friends depends on which friend we’re talking about. Same with family members.

Also, I think we’re all so many things at the same time. Nobody is all one personality type. There are different levels. I may come out as ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs scale, but most of the levels are so close to 50/50 that it’s kind of a moot point.

I feel like I’m just rambling generalities about pseudo-psych babble right now, so I’m going to stop here. But I do have one more bit of word vomit to contribute to this idea pool: to be motivated, you have to know what you are passionate about, and to be ambitious, you have to know where you want to get in life. At least, that’s what I have found from talking to others my age and reflecting on myself waaaay more than I probably should.

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