Of course, I doubt anyone assumed that I died, but I did kind of vanish off the face of the Internet there for a while. Nearly two months, actually.
Sorry ’bout that.
I’ve been trying to write something for the past three weeks, but lately it’s been difficult to find any sort of motivation.
I have no idea what I’m doing or even what I want to do. My post-graduation confusion seems to be increasing the closer I get to my one-year anniversary of graduating from college with no real changes in my life.
Here are a few of the reasons I’m feeling a little lost:
- I started taking CS50 (intro. to computer programming from Harvard) through Edx. Then I let that completely fall by the wayside.
- I’m still working my day job in retail. And my student loans are starting to make my skin sizzle like I put my hand on a stove top burner without realizing it. These things are related because my retail job doesn’t really pay enough to counter the loans.
- I’m working my way out of a major depressive episode anyway. I have PTSD, and the major catalyst for ditching all of my ambitions was falling into a huge pile of nightmare-fuel flashbacks and anxiety attacks. But that’s getting better now. Finally.
- I completely ditched the blog when I realized I don’t know what I actually want it to be. Is this a place for reviews? Personal stories? Recipes? My other hobbies? It can’t be all of those, right? Not if I actually want people to read it regularly anyway. It just feels too scatterbrained. Then again, it’s my blog so why I can’t I do whatever kind of posts I want?
Yeah, I’m still confused on that last one.
But I wanted to post this and see if maybe someone(s) in a similar position have any advice. Really any insight on any of the issues listed would be great, but since most of my readers are other bloggers, I’d really like to know what you think about the blog crisis I seem to be having.
I think it’s important to note that my goal with this blog remains unchanged: I still want to build community and interact with a large number of others while sharing things I care about. And, of course, I want to practice my writing.
I’m just struggling to figure out how to go about that.
Anyway, I’m hoping to get things figured out soon and get back to posting regularly, though I figure I’ll ease back and just do one post a week. Maybe two if I’m feeling really inspired.