To Ghost or Not to Ghost?

To ghost or not to ghost? That is the romantic question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the dating world to suffer the angst and unhappiness of another at your rejection or to merely fade into the night without a word.

Okay, melodrama aside (damn you, Hamlet) is it better to tell someone that you’ve been on one or two dates with that this whole dating thing isn’t going to work out? Or should you just stop answering their texts and hope they take the hint?

From a personal standpoint, I would rather they just ghost on me. It’s still rejection, but they 1) aren’t lying to me to let me down easy and 2) aren’t making me feel completely awful by telling me the truth that I suck.

Granted, this has only happened to me on a couple of occasions, so I don’t really have a large pool of data to look at to judge my emotional state. I’m usually the one doing the ghosting or the rejecting or what have you.

Sidenote: I really think I should just tattoo “commitmentphobe” to my wrist so I remember that I freaking hate dating and shouldn’t bother doing it. Alternatively, a stylized mosquito would work as that’s about the size of my romantic attention span.


From a less first person standpoint, I was once reprimanded by a guy for not telling him immediately following our first date that I wasn’t interested in a second interaction. Somehow he thought the first date went swimmingly, despite the fact that he talked about his kidney stones and openly admitted he doesn’t like cheese. As if either of those things is okay in any universe.

On the flip side, there was another guy who I did tell that I was no longer interested in any sort of social interaction with him, and he told me that it would have been preferable if I had just stopped replying to his texts. That way, he could pretend to himself that I was merely busy washing my hair or had died in a fiery car crash involving a cliff and a dozen tour buses.

(Fine, that’s hyperbole, but you get the idea.)

My point is this: Is there some sort of rule for this dating bullshit that I missed? I kind of need to know. Until I get that tattoo and remember to stay away from dating sites (which, let’s be honest, I’m only there so people will tell me I’m pretty) this “to ghost or not to ghost” issue is going to be a problem for me.

Also, I’d like to point out that I’m really only referring to times when you’ve been on like two dates with the person, maybe three tops.

I feel that if someone can hold my attention through three encounters (it’s rare, but it has happened) then they deserve some sort of au revoir from me.

So, lay it on me, what do you do in this situation?


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